benzo demons

by Kimberly Shaw

Benzo demons lie dormant until ninety proof awakens them

dry lips smack, crack

into wicked smiles,

fanged tooth grins,

athetoid like neck stretches,

body cells shudder,

brown eyes constrict,

brown eyes condemn,

voice grows

hateful,

flat,

mad,

the monologue

goes something like this:

please understand me you must understand me I am dying inside I need you to help me

I can’t see it, what is wrong on the inside of me, I just feel it, you have to see it for me

if you don’t look at me then you can’t see it and I need someone to see the inside of me

I try to drown it but it won’t submerge, I need you to reach inside and remove it for me

it is going to kill me if you don’t reach inside of me and at least touch this broken place

but wait-

if you take it I will hurt so bad and I don’t know what I will put in its place

it has been so long I think it is part of me and I don’t really want you to take it yet

don’t take it, but keep looking at it, when someone else looks at it I get some relief

I don’t want to die by myself if you just keep watching then I won’t die as lonely

no, you can’t turn your head until I’m dead

If watched long enough

the man

occasionally

appears frightened,

 scared,

defeated,
brown eyes

suck you in,

convince you,

you can

help him

you need to

help him,

you must

help him.

you try

your best

to help

him.

I can’t be by myself, you have to be tough to look at me, not many people are tough enough

but you are tough like a Viking like one of those Vikings that ran naked into battle

to scare their enemies you would do anything for your family, I know you will watch me

when no one else will I know that you are tough enough to meet my tortured gaze

and not look away you know how much I despise someone who can’t look me in the eye

I know you can take it cause you never really cared anyway and you are mean

I can’t let you get it out of me, no there is no fixing me, I am going to die to this thing

but I need you to watch me, watch me dammit, you’re so damn selfish and mean

you would leave me alone to die, don’t fucking try to touch me

and don’t look away from me I am dying no you can’t fucking fix me

I don’t want to be fixed, I just need you to watch me fucking die and
                                                                                                                        do not try to stop me.

Photo of Kimberly Shaw

BIO: From rural Oklahoma, Kimberly Shaw earned her MFA in creative writing from Oklahoma State University in 2025. Her writing reflects her continuous efforts to understand life – what we are given and how best to carry that gift. She has previously published work and forthcoming publications in The Stonecoast Review and The Dead Mule School of Southern Literature.