recipe for disaster

by Sara Hutchinson

Ingredients:

• Two humans

• 6 fluide oz tequila

• 50mg Horny Goat Weed

• 1/4 litre of Lust

• Splash of Selfishness

• 6 cloves of crushed lies

• 4 cups of a rocky relationship

• Dash of Disassociation

Directions:

Step One: Preheat the oven to 450 degrees.

Step Two:  In a bar, soak two people in alcohol for at least an hour.  Add a 50mg Horny Goat Weed. Pour in massage, flattery, and eroticism.  Gradually stir in future-faking and lies and bring to a boil.

Step Three:  Grease a king size bed. Spritz sexual tension over front and backside of couple.

Step Four:  Prepare the side spouse. Chop their heart into pieces and melt in hot butter,  Sauté in pan of lies until tender. Remove from heat.

Step Five: Slide couple under the covers and douse with delusion. Set timer for six months.

Step Six: Return to the spousal sauté.  Hold a culinary blow torch at 45 degree angle and light spouse with gas. Serve immediately or store in a hovel up an hour before serving.

Step Seven: Remove the couple from the bed.  Press thumb to test alchemy. Depending on how you prefer your drama, texture can range from soft to firm.

Step Eight: Invite anger, jealously, sadness and disbelief to the table as the guests.

Last Step: Serve couple and spouse on separate plates and add compassion and forgiveness in small spice bowls.  Enjoy!

After enjoying the dish you may experience a nausea, anxiety and sleeplessness.  However, if you make the dish and survive, you will feel better. Safety warning: this recipe may cause divorce.

Photo of Sara Hutchinson

BIO: Sara Hutchinson was a birth doula, childbirth educator and executive director for a non-profit supporting postpartum mamas.. Now she writes. She lives in Salt Lake City, with her husband, teenage daughter and dog named Cosmo. Her son attends the University of Wisconsin in Madison. This would be her first published short story.