cigarette girl at the horseshoe

by Mandie Lopatka

you are who my heart can hold

with your big tips, knobby knees, astonished eyes

I have an idea what you’d do just to touch me

get caught in one of my sequins

my forked tongue, maybe crawl, maybe beg

but you’re a diplomat and a gentlemen

and have no plan for living in your skin

too much pride, too much fear

so just stuff me with paper bills and champagne

the rooms I cry in are wood panelled

my chains, pharmaceutical

my freedoms, chablis, raindrops, orgasm

the wolf is always at my door

I replace old pain with new pain

you are who my heart can hold

like a penny or an aspirin in my vase of violets

a blank universe that makes me the star

a mirror image I don’t recognize

a suit that pays my anti, a soft shoulder when I lose

the air is thinner here with me

theatrical even, thunderous booms, sinkholes

there is a beaded curtain and a lot of hi-balls

and misjudgement necessary to get to me

alligators, deep thorny thickets

mosquito swarms and blind spots

you are all thumbs and left feet and boy scout rules

but still a suitcase with everything in it

I need to get the hell out of here

in the jaws of some sinful and heartless devil

and I’ve known a few, you are who I’d call

but I’m okay

as this dark flower

this cancer stick seller

in push up bra and fake diamonds

this wild poisonous fruit

this obsolescent little gem

this fawning bambi

tits out, with a pack

of whatever they need

a belief in their bet

a warm body in their bed

a back door long cigarette

I can go on like this

all tassels and tease

a raw nerve in the bleak midwinter

a wastebasket of crumpled poems

a communist, a showgirl

my heart can hold nothing

for an infinite amount of time

but if ever it had a grasp

it might hold onto you

Photo of Mandie Lopatka

BIO: Mandie Lopatka is a professional writer with over 25 years of commitment to her career and creative work. Her poems have been published in Urban Graffiti, Notebook Magazine, Fait Accomplit, and Blood Ink. She is very active in her local literary community and has performed her poetry at countless events.