the haunt of age: a 5-step program for ghosting your ghost

by Karen Crawford

Step 1. Ignore. Ignore. Ignore. (I know it won’t be easy, but you got this.)

Remember, your ghost has been haunting you for years. Beginning with the monthly curse that ravaged your face. Peaking with the crinkle of time around your eyes, the soft bulge of middle, that first wiry gray.

Step 2. Consider a makeover. (You know you want to.)

Google before and after photos. Take to Social Media. Become a follower. Get influenced. Imagine the hot in flashy. Imagine a new you!

Step 3. Pull a Casper. (And no, I don’t mean disappear.)

I mean, anticipate your ghost’s surprise when she floats into the bedroom where your new nipped/tucked body lies. If she goes all poltergeist, rattle, and chain, flash her a ‘friendly’ smile. Your teeth blinding, lips plumped to perfection.

Step 4. Expect retaliation. (Be prepared to get even.)

When your ghost says you’ve crossed a line and need to cross back, let her know that nobody wants her age-old beauty queen look. A dry cake of mascara, bleeding black liner, and smash of red mouth is so last century.

Step 5. Rejoice. Rejoice. Rejoice. (Your secret code for selfie.)

Celebrate your newfound freedom. Taste the fire in your mouth. Revel in your ghost’s crackle and hiss. When you feel your cheekbones pillow. (Take a selfie.) When you feel your skin stretched tight. (Take a selfie.) When you feel your forehead smoothing. (Take a selfie.) Feel your face now freezing? (Try to smile.)

Photo of Karen Crawford

BIO: Karen Crawford lives and writes in the City of Angels. Recent work has been included in Best Microfiction Anthology 2025, Ghost Parachute, Bending Genres, Flash Boulevard and elsewhere. She is a multi-Pushcart, Best of the Net nominee and longlisted in Wigleaf's Top 50. 

Find her on Bluesky @karenc.bsky.social and X @KarenCrawford_