protection from the gods
by Emmi Khor
The Menshen Gods guarding the house were not pleased with the arrival of three new deities.
“Gently. Be careful not to drop them,” directed Ah Tai, mistress of the house, as Amah pulled the Sanxing trio from their box. “Good, good. We still have some space above the kitchen entry, between my Door Gods.”
The Menshen pair kept their masks frozen in place, the ones designed to scare off demons, but they seethed within their porcelain shells as Amah climbed a ladder to the pelmet where they sat.
Amah followed her mistress’ instructions, splitting the Menshen Door Gods to either end, then placing the bearded trio in the middle.
“To the left. Too much! Back to the right. Perfect!” exclaimed Ah Tai. “We are so fortuitous to have eight deities blessing our home!”
Amah eyed the scowling Menshen. “You don’t think they’ll fight?” She respectfully blanked her face when Ah Tai clicked her tongue at her.
“Don’t be silly, they’re just statues, but I’ll take all the luck and protection they bring. Now come, get these bags and help me put away my shopping.” The slippered-feet of the women faded as they climbed upstairs.
A chill settled in the kitchen, the silence tense as a stalking cat. A hale wind blew down the open skywell in the centre of the house, sending the Sanxing’s long beards flying into the face of the left Menshen. Air breezed into the kitchen, mischievously rattling the ladles hanging against the tiles, before flowing back out, sending the Sanxing’s beards flying into the right Menshen.
The Door Gods sputtered at the unsavoury strands flapping across their lips. “What disrespect!” they bellowed. “An attack on us is an attack on the house. We will protect it at all costs!”
Fu, Lu, and Shou tittered, stroking their beards back into obedience. “We bring the household fortune, prosperity, and longevity. The both of you should be showing your respect, gatekeepers. Without us, you would have no gates to keep.” They waved at the Menshens’ polearms dismissively. “Point your over-long sticks elsewhere.”
“Nonsense,” barked Zào Shén, standing regally above the kitchen stove. “None of you are as important as I am. I report the family’s doings to the Jade Emperor each new lunar year. It is I who ensures this family, and by extension the rest of you, are rewarded appropriately. Everyone knows the Kitchen God is the most important deity here.”
“Rubbish!” scoffed the left Menshen. “We see Ah Tai feed you sticky rice and every year, you take it all. Your mouth gets so stuck you can only nod and smile when facing the Jade Emperor. Any of us can do that.”
Zào Shén sputtered, yet his words wouldn’t come, as if his mouth had been stuck together.
“Now boys, no need to fight,” Guan Yin said compassionately from the corner altar. “We can make room for everyone in this house. Think of this family's needs above your own ego. We’re here for them, not for ourselves. Right, Buddha?”
The bald man sharing her altar rubbed his large belly and he laughed uproariously. “Don’t ask me! I’m not a deity!”
“There's a time for mercy and love, Goddess,” growled the Menshen. “Now is the time to protect against annoying tricksters.”
Just then, an orange tabby squeezed between the window panes and jumped onto the counter.
“Demon!” quailed the Kitchen God, pulling his robes tight. “She knocked me right over last time and I lost a foot! What if she breaks me all the way through this time?”
Fu and Lou tittered. Shou scoffed. “You’re scared of a cat?”
All attention was on the creature as she sprang to the floor. None saw the Menshen smiling slyly at each other. A polearm dao stretched discreetly behind Shou. A rapid flick of the flat of the blade sent the bearded deity of longevity down to meet the prowling feline. His long cry ended with the cat’s yowl and a shattering of porcelain.
Much later, after Ah Tai had locked her tabby into the room as punishment, Amah swept the porcelain remains up, shaking her head at the irony of his unexpectedly short lifespan. Sighing, she retrieved the ladder and collected the statues of Fu and Lou off the pelmet. The Sanxing were three celestial bodies—it wouldn’t be auspicious to have only two of the trio watching over the family. Besides, she quietly thought there was such a thing as too much before they started to cancel each other out—not something she could ever tell someone like her mistress. She set Fu and Lou with the gathered remnants of Shou and took them all out to the bin.
Silence settled in the kitchen once more, punctuated only by the sound of polearms crossing as the Menshen Door Gods continued their vigil against enemies to their home.
Photo of Emmi Khor
BIO: Emmi writes from the land downunder where bunyips are rumored to reside. She uses words to make sense of her world and hopes that one day, the world will make sense of her words too. Her stories appear in Cast of Wonders, Factor Four, and Inner Worlds magazine. She is a 2024 Aurealis Awards Finalist, and was shortlisted in The Best Australian Yarn 2024. She can be found pondering, rejoicing, or wallowing at Bsky, X, and Instagram @emmikhor.