dinner party

by Jacob Wrich

Have you ever been to a dinner party like this?

Oh, no. Not like this. This apartment is like something out of a magazine.

It’s not even a real apartment. There are no apartments in this building. It’s short-term commercial space. He brings all this stuff in just for the event.   

Look there. There at the big television on the wall.

Is that a cooking show?

Not a cooking show. That’s our chef preparing tonight’s meal. It’s a live stream.   

What a gorgeous kitchen. The industrial appliances and the quartz countertops.

And that’s chef Marcel Peyroux.

Who?

From the restaurant, Saveur Moderne. Those tomatoes look exquisite.  

What is he making?

It appears to be some sort of souffle.  

Dinner will be even more delicious with this view.

Isn’t New York City beautiful at night?

Breathtaking. The labyrinth of walking paths through Central Park. Rockefeller Plaza. The skyline…

And these floor-to-ceiling windows. This must cost a fortune.

The décor is to die for. The Kelly Wearstler counter stools. The Jonathan Adler day bed. They even have a Fendi Casa throw rug. Everything is perfect!  

Did you see he has an original Jackson Pollock in the hallway?

Stunning.

This harp player is so elegant.

So beautiful. I would kill for silky red hair like that.

Look, on the livestream. Our chef…what’s his name again?

Chef Marcel Peyroux.

Yes, look, I think he’s plating our first course.

My mouth is watering.

Is that David Duchovny over there?

The X-Files guy?

Yes. And over there. That’s Martha Stewart. And there’s James Van Der Beek.

And there’s James Carville.

Who?

James Carville…oh never mind. Look, there’s Shania Twain.

Oooh…she’s beautiful. Look at her dress. I could never pull off something like that.  

And those are just the people you recognize. Over there, that’s Elif Shafak talking to Joseph Kahn and Stephen Schwarzman.

How did we even end up here? We don’t get invited to things like this.

I feel so underdressed, but honestly this is my nicest gown.

Oh, shh, it looks like our host is making an announcement.

Can I have your attention for just one moment? Ladies and gentlemen, thank you all for coming to our annual fundraising dinner.

Oh my! I didn’t even realize this was a fundraiser.

It’s really not. Shhh…

Chef Marcel Peyroux has put together a lovely four-course meal exclusively for tonight’s event, and I can assure you, it won’t disappoint. And I know that you won’t disappoint in opening your wallets and purses to help us meet this incredible need we have in our society. Far too long we’ve sat silently while one of the greatest creatures in the natural world has been marginalized. If I said that there’s a snake in this room, how would you react? Fear? Panic? Trepidation? Maybe you would run out of the room screaming. That’s a natural reaction. But not because snakes are particularly dangerous. It’s a lifetime of miseducation that is responsible for that feeling. We must stop the negative portrayals of snakes in media. From snakes on planes, to Indiana Jones saying how much he hates snakes, to Kaa trying to kill Mowgli, snakes are portrayed as evil, venomous monsters. Even going back to the Garden of Eden, Satan reveals himself as a serpent. How can we ever properly understand this creature if it is demonized at every turn?

Is he serious?

Shh…

So, my friends, I urge you to sit down with me and enjoy what promises to be an extraordinary meal. Have some champagne, enjoy the music and the view, and think about what kind of world you want to live in. A world where an innocent creature must bear the burden of a reputation that has preceded it, or one in which we celebrate the amazing powers of our friend, the snake. At this time, I’d like to unveil our new slogan for N.O.E.R.S…

N.O.E.R.S.?

Shh…yes, the National Organization for the Ethical Representation of Snakes.

Camilla, if you don’t mind, please unfurl the banner. Ah, and there you have it!

Snakes are people, too? That’s the slogan?

There are QR codes throughout the room and at each setting at the table. Now, I hope that you will make a generous donation. A donation that reflects your best world. A world with a positive representation of snakes. Thank you! Now let’s eat!

He’s kidding…

Last year, he raised over twelve million dollars at this fundraising dinner alone. No kidding. Between you and me, I hate snakes. But it’s such a lovely dinner that I just throw some money in anyway.

Over twelve million?

It’s all just tax write-offs. I’m pretty sure it’s a shell charity. The twelve million pays to have these dinners and the donations are all tax deductions. He cares about the ethical representation of snakes, just probably not the ones you’re thinking of.

Here comes the first course.

That’s actually the second course. The hors d'oeuvres is technically considered the first course of a four-course meal.

Oh, those hors d’oeuvres were amazing. The one with the bread…

That was a brie and fig crostini.

That was my favorite.

I preferred the smoked salmon canapes, but the crostini were delicious. 

Then what’s the second course of a four-course meal called?

That would be the appetizer course.

What’s the difference between hors d’oeuvres and an appetizer?

We sit down for the appetizer. Ooh…and here it is.

Good evening, Mesdames et Messieurs. I am Chef Marcel Peyroux. For the appetizer this evening, we have a Gruyere and Dijon souffle with marinated yellow heirloom tomato jam. Bon Appétit.

This is to die for.

Chef Peyroux is so deft with his flavors and technique.

I really must get a reservation at his restaurant.

Good luck. I’ve heard you need to reserve a year in advance.

A year?

What is that beeping? It’s my phone.

Mine too.

Ladies and gentlemen, I ask that you please put your phones on silent during the meal.

I have my phone on silent.

It’s an AMBER Alert. They beep even when phones are on silent.

Looks like a woman has been kidnapped. Ann Darrow. Blonde hair. Five foot three. Last seen near Central Park. Believed to be taken by a fifty-foot gorilla?

Oh my God! This flatware is Tiffany. Look at the handle design.

It has birds on it.

Yes, it’s Tiffany’s Audubon collection. Inspired by Japanese bird paintings from the nineteenth century. All sterling silver.

If this is Tiffany flatware, one setting probably cost around two thousand dollars. There’re at least forty settings out. 

Did that alert say she was taken by a fifty-foot gorilla?

Ann Darrow, that name sounds familiar.

Madam, would you care for more wine?

Oh, yes. Thank you.

Here comes the main course.

I can’t wait. This is the best meal of my life. Oh, there’s Chef Peyroux.

Mesdames et Messieurs, for your main course this evening, I have prepared Veau à la normande served with basmati rice and an arrangement of dried fruits. Bon Appétit.

Vu la norm…what did he say?

Veau à la normande. It’s veil.

It’s so lovely.

And delicious.

In French you say, C’est bon.

C’est bon! I like the sound of that.

That AMBER Alert has to be some sort of joke. A fifty-foot gorilla?

No, I don’t want to talk about an AMBER Alert during a fine meal with excellent company.

Does the name Ann Darrow ring a bell to anyone else?

It does sound familiar. I’m looking it up right now…

No phones at the dinner table.

Ann Darrow, that’s right. She was the character played by Fay Wray in King Kong…and a fifty-foot gorilla. It’s a joke. Someone got ahold of the AMBER system or something.

What’s that shaking?

Oh, my, the whole floor is vibrating. Look down there, on the street. I’ve never seen that many police cars in my life.

What’s that in the dark down there? Is that?

Turn the television to the news.

This is live coverage from New York City where a giant gorilla has kidnapped a woman and is climbing the Empire State Building. Police are at the scene. We have been told that the mayor has called in the National Guard.

Turn that off.

But we need to know what’s happening.

Then at least mute it. We have an immensely talented harpist playing for our enjoyment.

The National Guard? This is King Kong.

Strange to watch King Kong climb our building with this lovely harp music playing in the background.   

More champagne, sir?

Yes. Thank you. 

Look, there’s choppers coming. Ooooh…I bet they’re going to shoot him down.

They can’t shoot him. King Kong is a treasure. He’s the classic metaphor for the victim of enslavement and colonization, taken from the East in bondage to benefit the West, made to perform in his shackles as rich white men get even wealthier. And now, climbing this building, they want to shoot him down? This is his revenge moment. His reparations, for lack of a better term. They can’t kill him now. The ending would be too, I don’t know, tragic…

You’re missing the mark, sir. King Kong is not the living metaphor of slavery and colonization. Though that is a mildly interesting, if not somewhat tired, modern take. Kong is, in fact, the Christ figure. We misunderstand his attempts to save Ann Darrow, the beautiful symbol of mankind’s lost innocence. And because we don’t understand him and his quest to save humanity, we must kill him. In this case his crucifix is the Empire State Building. He must die in order for us to be redeemed.

I think King Kong represents the middle class, America’s version of the proletariat. He’s fighting back against the bourgeoisie. He has been caged and exploited for financial gain. And now he has broken free from his chains and is set on destroying the rich in the commerce capital of the world, New York City. His ascent up the Empire State Building, a marvel of modern architecture, and an external representation of wealth beyond the means of the working people, only to be shot down, shows the economically deterministic society we cloak as capitalism where any inclination to climb the proverbial social ladder is met with the heels of the wealthy.

Ladies and gentlemen, please return to your seats and prepare for our final course. Chef, take it away.

Merci Monsieur. For dessert, I have prepared an apple and pear streusel with pistachio crumbles and a raspberry coulis. Bon Appétit.

So elegant.

MY GOD! Is everyone okay?

Are you okay?

Yes, I’m fine. I just fell off my chair. Nothing’s hurt.

The shaking is getting worse.

King Kong must be nearly to our floor.

You know, I think you’re all wrong. King Kong is a metaphor for the unleashed male ego…

Stop it! Enough! You’re all missing the point. King Kong is fictional. He doesn’t exist.

But he’s on the television right now. Live coverage.

The news is fake. You’re talking about the same media that has been portraying snakes as monsters. It’s all theater.

Maybe, but I can see King Kong right now out the windows. He’s about ten floors below us. Are you telling me that what I’m seeing is not actually happening?

I’m saying it’s all fiction…everything!

I think I understand. You’re arguing, like Nietzsche, that there’s no such thing as an objective reality. That our perspective, based on our individual needs, is responsible for our mental construction of the world. In that sense, the television news, King Kong climbing our building, the choppers swarming the evening sky, it’s all just an interpretation that I’ve created in my own mind, and therefore, if I can change my perspective, I can change my own reality.     

No! Not perspective or interpretation. Fiction! Again, you’re missing the point. It’s fiction, fiction, fiction!

Explain.

We are in a penthouse in New York City. Just the flatware around this table is worth more than the average American makes in a year. This whole world is fake. And for some reason we’re watching a giant ape climb a building when we have champagne and cake right in front of us. And because it’s all fiction, I choose cake! I’m turning off the television. I’m going to drink a glass of five-hundred-dollar champagne, and I’m going to enjoy my dessert.

Maybe he’s right. I do want so badly to try the cake.

Would you care for some coffee, madam?

Oh, yes please. Decaf. No, wait. Regular.  

Careful not to spill. The building is shaking so badly now.

He’s broken through the window. Kong has broken the window and taken the harp player.

Is that fiction?  

It’s okay, it looks like he’s moved on now. There he goes further up the building.

Are you okay? You look so sad.

I am a little sad.

How can anyone in such a pretty dress eating cake feel sad?

I don’t know. I just didn’t want the music to stop.   

Photo of Jacob Wrich

BIO: Jacob Wrich is the author of two short story collections, The Prodigals and Monsters in America. His work has appeared in Narrative Magazine, Literally Stories, The Fiction Pool and Oyster River Pages. He recieved his MFA in English from the University of St. Thomas. He lives and works in Minnesota.