of nurture’s wildness: a novella (book 6, ch. 1)

by Tom Stuckey

1

The Odessa crew were all a bit weary of Ted at first, and rightly so, as they all knew how madness can wreak havoc aboard a ship. If allowed to, it could dismantle the fragile harmony by which the crew so relied upon. They also all knew it was only a thin layer that needed to be broken in order for what lied beneath to be revealed. Ted was testament to this, and they watched his movements whilst all sat in the mess, which was a large steal room with a few tables and an adjoining galley. Ted would be sitting still and all of a sudden would jolt out of his chair and would need to be reminded that he was no longer in the lighthouse, or he would be staring into the distance, and then without reason would be staring into the eyes of one of the crew, unflinchingly.

“Ted, have some food that the cook has prepared. It’s a traditional dish of pork wrapped in cabbage.” Ted took some time to respond.

“Yes, thank you.” Ted looked down at the steaming plate, the smells enough to bring him back into the room. “This is delicious.”

“Why don’t you stay over here on the ship tonight? I am sure that your duties can forgo a night of close watch. It’s my understanding that the lighthouse will automatically turn on when it goes dark?”

“I don’t like to be away from there.” Ted tried to look around for a window but found none. “Maybe I could though. I feel very, very, tired.”

“Good. Micheal, please show Ted to a cabin so he can get some rest. We will talk this evening, Ted. OK?” Micheal gently led Ted away, making sure not to make any sudden movements that might push Ted over the edge.

“He seems a little too far gone, don’t you think?” Sergev observed to Neno once Ted was out of earshot.

“I think he is very strong to have gotten through what he has. The company he worked for was destroyed at the start of the war, and he has been out there alone for many years. Give him a chance to rest, and we can talk with him later, maybe the morning. Let’s get Derv to see him first though, just to be sure.”

Ted was relieved to see the doctor; he was even more relieved to see him smoking. There was something about seeing doctors, monks and very old people smoking. Ah, yes, Ted thought, we are all going to die soon. Don’t take it so seriously, but if you could get to be a ripe, old age and still be enjoy a cigarette then somehow you had won.

“So, Ted, how long have you been alone in the lighthouse?”

“I’m sorry, but I don’t remember.”

“No worries. Would you like to drink?”

“I wouldn’t say I liked it.”

“Yes, I understand. Ted, I think it would be good if I give you some thiamine, and you should not stop drinking straight away but taper it down. Ok?”

“Ok, Doc.”

“Good, your blood pressure is good and lungs clear. Your body seems helathy, just maybe the mind is a little effected by the isolation. Yes?”

Ted nodded.

“Call me Derv.”

“Thank you, Derv”

“You are welcome. Some time around the crew will help and with a few good meals you should be ok. Can you stay for a day? I believe we are setting off again afterward at which point you will want to get back, yes?”

“Indeed.”

“Good, get some rest and come out and join us when you are ready later.”

Derv left on a little lamp that was fixed to the bedside cabinet as he knew that it was not a good idea for Ted to be left in the dark. Ted smiled, but Derv had already closed the door, so he did not see.

Ted woke a few hours later to the gentle sound of men singing. He could not recall what he had dreamt and was glad. He got up and splashed cold water on his face, avoiding his reflection in the mirror, then turned to join the others. Walking down the hall, he knew where they all were from the sounds echoing off the walls. Ted was happy to look around at the vessel, ships having always interested him since he was a boy. He liked the pipes that ran along the ceiling, and wondered where they all went; he liked how there were so many compartments, doors and levels. He liked the smell of engine oil mixed in with the sea; it all smelt and looked like freedom.

The men had already started drinking, doing so in a spirit of merriment, the way all good crews did. They were also about to enjoy some food when Ted walked in.

“Come, friend, join us. You’re just in time.”

This time, the men were quieter upon seeing him; however, the merriment continued, swallowing up Ted with it. He drank and ate what was offered to him and was warmed by it to his very core. The hours flew by, and he wished he could stay immersed in the security and safety of this group of men forever, thinking this must be what it is like to be truly loved, what it must be like in a well-formed battalion that knew of the fight ahead but was safe with each other, for now.     

Then, Neno began to talk about what it was that they did, but first he asked if Ted wanted to take a walk around the ship’s outer upper deck.

*****

“Are you ever not amazed by these clear night skies, Ted?”

“Never.”

“Good, I think that says a lot about a man. Most of us cannot be on land, even before the war. You just don’t get the full story there, and rarely (if ever) notice this.” Neno pointed to outer space.

“There is war?”

“Yes, Ted, sorry, but there is no way to tell you what we do without mentioning the war. You have been away from land and its madness for a long time, but obviously this is only a temporary relief from it.”

“Yes.”

“We are involved in that war, Ted, and as you can see most of us are from the east, but we are mostly a breakaway from Putin’s Russia. We started to form a collective back when the first invasions of Ukraine started. You remember that?”

“I do.”

“OK, well, how we are involved is we run weapons and supplies for the those who are fighting against him and cannot get them otherwise, for reasons I won’t burden you with.”

“I see. Thank you,” Ted felt overwhelmed with the information, but the splendour of the starry sky helped. “Is this why the power keeps failing on the lighthouse?” Ted went on.

“Yes, and why you can sometimes see the sky burning.” Ted remembered his brother and sister, an image of the only photo he remembered of them all together flashing across his mind.

“Best not to think too hard on it, Ted. It will do you no good,” Neno tried to reassure Ted, the only way one could with news such as this.

“So, I need to ask if you would you be willing to be a part of our cause?”

“Yes, I will.”

“Excellent. What we are dealing with is complex. It isn’t as straight forward as good and bad anymore, or maybe it never really was. Now, we are at threat of being stopped and searched by multiple forces, and we would be better off storing the weapons in the lighthouse, Ted.”

“I see. Well, there is room, of course, and no one has been out to check on the lighthouse for years.”

“Yes, we know. We have been watching, and this is something we think will work. We need to know that you are going to stay strong, Ted. This is a serious matter and bigger than any individual’s potential weakness.”

“Understood.”

Ted looked out into space and tried not to think; it was hard not to, but the void was still the void and as mesmerising as ever. Whatever happened there unexplainable.

“OK, Ted, lets rejoin the others. You are one of us now.” Neno put his arm around him, Ted feeling both scared but unfamiliarly safe at the same time. War always brought people together Ted thought.

After re-joining the crew, Ted felt completely different, like when you become one of the holders of a secret, rather than the un-knowing outsider. He looked at them with familiar eyes and thought himself one of them now. A few of the crew were playing music, none of the songs of which Ted knew, but that did not matter; in fact, it made them better. He always liked songs in which he did not know the meaning; he could make up the story of each by how he was moved by the music. The song that was playing, however, didn’t need much interpretation; it was clearly about coming home from war and the bittersweet feelings that must come along with it—once war had been unleashed upon the soul, there was nowhere that really felt like home anymore. Ted thought about where he was and what it meant, if there was anything that he had done to bring himself to such a place. After a while, he took some comfort in the fact that he had not and that things were just meant to be the way they were. He had a vague sense that something big was happening, that he was at the centre of it, instead of being alone and on the outside. The world moved like a storm and seemed to pull at anything wanting to escape it, right back into the middle again. For now, though, it was peaceful aboard the ship, with its music and laughter—the storm somewhere else, the way most of us liked it to be.

In the morning, Ted woke up, and it took some time—and real effort—to gain a bearing on the time and place that was clearly not his lighthouse. He was glad to be going back to the lighthouse, even if it might be a bit different from now on. He walked down to the mess hall and enjoyed the company of the others for one more meal that was glorious in its simplicity of eggs and bacon, and the best fresh coffee that he had ever had. Afterward, he walked the deck briefly and then made his way back to his small boat, which was still sitting where he had left it, like a little duckling next to its massive mother. Not much was said to him by Neno as he stepped into his boat, other than, “Bye for now, my friend. I’ll be in touch.” The rest had already been said.

It was a sunny morning, the promise of more to come, with winter beginning loosening its grip. The little duckling skipped across the water and Ted felt a deep hole start to open up in his belly as the lighthouse came into view in the distance, again in the middle of nowhere, again alone.

*Read Tom Stuckey’s next installment of Of Nurture’s Wildness (Book VI) on January 6, 2025, at 6PM CST.

Photo of Tom Stuckey

BIO: Tom is a writer from Devon in England.  His work can be found at A Thin Slice of Anxiety, Bristol Noir, Nut House Press, and Pulp Magazine. He is the author of The Canary in the Dream is Dead and The Sun Marches upon Us All. Learn more about Tom Stuckey at www.tomstuckey.com.